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Author Info:

Type: Director
Nationality: American
Date of Birth: 12/01/1935




 

Woody Allen Quotes

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You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.
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There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
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Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to make it into a concept, and later turn it into an idea.
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He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian.
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It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
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If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative.
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I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
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I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
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To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
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As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
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I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.
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Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun.
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I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.
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When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.
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Eighty percent of success is showing up.
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The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.
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Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.
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What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
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In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
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Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.
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Marriage is the death of hope.
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If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.
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I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.
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I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
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I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said 'No.'
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