I was in a bar and I said to a friend, 'You know, we've become those 40-year-old guys we used to look at and say, 'Isn't it sad?'
We're picking on people we can beat.
After doing One Fine Day and playing a pediatrician on ER, I'll never have kids. I'm going to have a vasectomy.
I don't like to share my personal life... it wouldn't be personal if I shared it.
I don't believe in happy endings, but I do believe in happy travels, because ultimately, you die at a very young age, or you live long enough to watch your friends die. It's a mean thing, life.
There's no connection between al-Qaeda and Iraq.
I'd think,'In a relationship, we should never have his kind of fight.' Then, instead of figuring out how to make it work, I looked for a way to get out of it. The truth is, you shouldn't be married if your that kind of person.
I don't care. Charlton Heston is the head of the National Rifle Association. He deserves whatever anyone says about him.
I'm not smart enough and I don't know enough about what's going on.
America can't beat anyone anymore.
I grew up in the world of bad television, on my dad's sets and then as a young schmuck on dating shows and so on.
I'm really white trash.
I'm the flavor of the month.
Do you want the truth or the politically correct version? The truth is that I go plastic, it's so much easier. And I like to put the bags over my head at night when I sleep, which I think all the kids at home should try. Kidding!!
You have only a short period of time in your life to make your mark, and I'm there now.
The only failure is not to try.
Who would name their kid Jack with the last words 'off' at the end of the last name? No wonder that guy is screwed up.
The government itself is running exactly like the Sopranos and they sit back and they make deals. And they say okay, 'I'm going do this: France, you're getting the pipelines.'
Run for office? No. I've slept with too many women, I've done too many drugs, and I've been to too many parties.
I'm certainly the last person to give advice on, well, anything.
The funniest thing is that all the things every director goes through, I thought I could shortcut, but there was no getting around those issues.
I'm a Method actor. I spent years training for the drinking and carousing I had to do in this film.
When you're young you believe it when people tell you how good you are. And that's the danger, you inhale. Everyone will tell you you're a genius, which you are not, and if you understand that, you win.
They say I was a bad Batman, that it was my fault, that I buried the franchise. But the truth is, it was a big project. I was pretty intimidated in that world. I did the best I could in the situation I was given.
You make a lot of films, do you? You make a lot of films yourself? Yeah, I'd like to see you make a film first before you get to talk about it. What a jerk.