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Type: Comedian
Nationality: American
Date of Birth: 04/12/1947




 

David Letterman Quotes

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Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees.
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Here's a little known fact - Arnold is the first body builder to run for governor since Janet Reno.
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The weather here is gorgeous. It's mild and feels like it's in the eighties. The hot dog vendors got confused because of the weather and thought it was spring, so they accidentally changed the hot dog water in their carts.
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Iraq's elite Republican Guard is doing so badly they're changing their name to the Democratic Guard.
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Wherever we've travelled in this great land of ours, we've found that people everywhere are about 90% water.
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Congratulations are in order for Woody Allen - he and Soon Yi have a brand new baby daughter. It's all part of Woody's plan to grow his own wives.
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A lot of folks are still demanding more evidence before they actually consider Iraq a threat. For example, France wants more evidence. And you know I'm thinking, the last time France wanted more evidence they rolled right through Paris with the German flag.
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New York... when civilization falls apart, remember, we were way ahead of you.
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We have defeated Saddam Hussein and Iraq. The good news is Iraq is ours, and the bad news is Iraq is ours.
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There's no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.
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And now the really difficult part: We have to rebuild Iraq into a strong and independent nation that will one day hate the United States.
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The big debate right now is if Saddam is alive or dead. He's dead, then he's alive, then dead, then alive. It's just confusing. Today they showed videotape, and Saddam was speaking at his own funeral.
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Yesterday the Iraqis and U. S. troops pulled down a giant statue of Saddam Hussein. They pull it down and it lands right on top of Geraldo.
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For the love of God, folks, don't try this at home.
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Dick Cheney said he was running again. He said his health was fine, 'I've got a doctor with me 24 hours a day.' Yeah, that's always the sign of a man in good health, isn't it?
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Don't forget it's daylight savings time. You spring forward, then you fall back. It's like Robert Downey Jr. getting out of bed.
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I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host.
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We make a lot of fun at President Clinton's expense. But this transition is going to be tough because it's been 25 years since this guy has gotten laid in the private sector.
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President Bush has said that he does not need approval from the UN to wage war, and I'm thinking, well, hell, he didn't need the approval of the American voters to become president, either.
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It's so warm now, and Thanksgiving came so early - is it just me, or does it not really feel like Ramadan?
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President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?
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No one knows if Saddam is still alive. They keep showing old footage of him on TV saying that it's live. You know, it's like the same thing we do with Dick Cheney.
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It's official, Arnold said he will enter the race for governor. At least that's what everybody thinks he said.
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Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.
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Iraqi's minister of information did not show up for his press conference today. However, he claims he was there and he said it went very well.
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