Experts say that Iraq may have nuclear weapons. That's bad news - they may have a nuclear bomb. Now the good news is that they have to drop it with a camel.
I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious.
I had no idea this thing was televised. Boy, is my face red.
USA Today has come out with a new survey - apparently, three out of every four people make up 75% of the population.
I know these jokes aren't great, ladies and gentlemen, see this is the problem you run into when you're between impeachments.
The worst tempered people I have ever met were those who knew that they were wrong.
Last night the United States dropped four 2,000 pound bombs on Saddam Hussein. I don't know anything about explosives, but, my God, do those things even need to explode?
There is no off position on the genius switch.
New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move.
We inadvertently bombed the Chinese Embassy. But Clinton now is working very hard. He has sent a letter of apology to the Chinese. And, he's also given them a gift certificate for future nuclear secrets.
President Bush has been silent on Schwarzenegger. Of course, he can't pronounce Schwarzenegger.
The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know, some of these jokes just write themselves.
Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.
Yesterday Senator John Kerry changed his mind and now supports the ban on gay marriages. I'm telling you this guy has more positions than Paris Hilton.
People say New Yorkers can't get along. Not true. I saw two New Yorkers, complete strangers, sharing a cab. One guy took the tires and the radio; the other guy took the engine.