Home Daily Quotes Topics Pictures Favorite Authors All Authors Author Types

Popular Topics Love
Life
Funny
Famous
Inspirational


Follow us also on:
Follow us on Facebook Follow us on Twitter Follow us on Google+ Follow us on Tumblr Follow us on Pinterest

Link To Us


Author Info:

Type: Comedian
Nationality: American
Date of Birth: 04/12/1947




 

David Letterman Quotes

Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Share on Pinterest

Experts say that Iraq may have nuclear weapons. That's bad news - they may have a nuclear bomb. Now the good news is that they have to drop it with a camel.
Share on Facebook Share on Twitter David Letterman

I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious.
Share on Facebook Share on Twitter David Letterman

I had no idea this thing was televised. Boy, is my face red.
Share on Facebook Share on Twitter David Letterman

USA Today has come out with a new survey - apparently, three out of every four people make up 75% of the population.
Share on Facebook Share on Twitter David Letterman

I know these jokes aren't great, ladies and gentlemen, see this is the problem you run into when you're between impeachments.
Share on Facebook Share on Twitter David Letterman

The worst tempered people I have ever met were those who knew that they were wrong.
Share on Facebook Share on Twitter David Letterman

Last night the United States dropped four 2,000 pound bombs on Saddam Hussein. I don't know anything about explosives, but, my God, do those things even need to explode?
Share on Facebook Share on Twitter David Letterman

There is no off position on the genius switch.
Share on Facebook Share on Twitter David Letterman

New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move.
Share on Facebook Share on Twitter David Letterman

We inadvertently bombed the Chinese Embassy. But Clinton now is working very hard. He has sent a letter of apology to the Chinese. And, he's also given them a gift certificate for future nuclear secrets.
Share on Facebook Share on Twitter David Letterman

President Bush has been silent on Schwarzenegger. Of course, he can't pronounce Schwarzenegger.
Share on Facebook Share on Twitter David Letterman

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know, some of these jokes just write themselves.
Share on Facebook Share on Twitter David Letterman

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.
Share on Facebook Share on Twitter David Letterman

Yesterday Senator John Kerry changed his mind and now supports the ban on gay marriages. I'm telling you this guy has more positions than Paris Hilton.
Share on Facebook Share on Twitter David Letterman

People say New Yorkers can't get along. Not true. I saw two New Yorkers, complete strangers, sharing a cab. One guy took the tires and the radio; the other guy took the engine.
Share on Facebook Share on Twitter David Letterman



Popular Authors Buddha
Osho
Kahlil Gibran
Socrates
Albert Einstein


Browse Authors
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z