If anyone at my funeral has a long face, I'll never speak to him again.
I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.
People have always loved our pictures. I guess that's because they saw how much love we put into them.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be led.
Crazy humor was always my type of humor, but it's the quiet kind of craziness I like. The rough type of nut humor like The Marx Brothers I could never go for.
We had no say on those films, and it sure looked it.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
A friend once asked me what comedy was. That floored me. What is comedy? I don't know. Does anybody? Can you define it? All I know is that I learned how to get laughs, and that's all I know about it. You have to learn what people will laugh at, then proceed accordingly.
The world has lost a comic genius. I've lost my best friend. (on Oliver Hardy's death)
What business do we have telling people who to vote for? They probably know more about it than we do.
Another fine mess you're gotten me into.